A Lifetime Ago

Fiftieth anniversary, five decades, half a century, fifty years ago - there are many ways to describe a 50-year mark. For my younger, and only, sister it was a lifetime ago. She died fifty years ago today - three weeks after her 28th birthday; two days after her little girl's fifth birthday. 

I have been mindful of this date for some time; trying to come up with some way to meaningfully remember it and her.

My very earliest memory of her was one of jealousy. I distinctly remember being relegated to the back seat with my big brother in our family sedan - a 1936 Dodge.

I had been displaced in the front seat by that little sister. I was very jealous. It was a feeling that remained for many years.

Not long ago I asked my older brother Ron, who was 3-1/2 when I was born, if he was jealous of me replacing him as the new little one. He said he did not remember any such feelings toward me.

Of course we learned to play together as we got older. We spent hours and hours together roaming around the farm, having adventures, making up stories about what/where we were exploring.

I don't remember this dog, nor its name. Betty was much more a dog person than I was. 

I preferred the kittens.

We played 'school', where I was almost always the teacher, and 'house', where I was the mom. 

And dress-up for sure - pictured here with our Roberts cousins. What fun that was!

Mom often dressed us alike. We were one year, eleven months, three weeks and five days apart in age. i.e. - Betty was almost two years younger than me. 

And I always thought I was the boss until she got old enough and close enough in size to show me I was the boss no longer. 

Not only did Mom dress us alike she also had at least one outfit that matched our dresses.

These sundresses with the bolero jackets were pink and turquoise. The dresses were pink, the jackets tuquoise with pink trim if I remember correctly. 

I can remember one time, while crossing a street in town, Mom had ahold of our hands and I wished it was just me and Mom and that I didn't have to share her with my sister.

Then when I was ten and Betty eight, our little brother came along. We had been asking Mom for a baby brother for a long time so when we got him we thought Mom had granted our wish!

Someone new to spoil and make over. I think Betty saw him more as a sibling whereas I wanted to be, and acted like, a little mother to him.

But, boy the fun when he was old enough for us to 'direct' in our pretend games and plays.

Our mutual adoration for him lessened our jealousy of one another. Yes, Betty admitted to being jealous of me just as I was of her.

Once we both married and had children of our own, things got better between us.

We were closer - more like sisters ought to be.

(Betty, her husband Gene, and baby Michael)

We each had a son first. Me, Douglas and she, Mike.

Then we had daughters; Betty, Kristine, and me, Kari.

The boys were 18 months apart, the girls only seven.

Betty was my matron of honor when I got married but I didn't get to be her's when she married because they eloped.

Our family picture from the 1957 cousins reunion at our farm.

Ron and Dad in back; Betty, me and Mom with Leslie in front.

I must have grown a couple inches after this photo because I was about two inches taller than Betty. Les and Ron were both tall like our Dad. We all outgrew Mom.

This was one of the last photos of the two of us together before my sister died of a cerebral hemorrhage. I would say this was the fall of 1966. The following year I left my husband and moved to Eastern Iowa. Betty took his side in the subsequent divorce which led to hard feelings on both our parts. We never fully reconciled after that.

When she died I realized how foolish we had both been - me more than she, I'm sure. I suffered tremendous survivor's guilt after her death. And though it lessened over the years I always wondered "Why her? Why not me?" And why, oh why, couldn't we have been close and loving the way so many sisters are?

I have heard/read that even if sisters did not get along when they were younger that as they aged they became best friends. Oh, how I wish I had had the chance to know if that was true.