Happy Mother-in-Law Day

Mother-in-Law Day has been 'officially' celebrated since 2002. It's the one day of the year when mostly nice things are said about your spouse's mother instead of the jokes we usually hear repeated. The fourth Sunday in October is designated as the special day for mothers-in-law. I hadn't thought of the significance of it being that close to Halloween until I saw this cartoon. Hmmmm?
When I hear Mother-in-Law, Ernie K-Doe's hit song from 1961 always pops into my head. "(Mother in Law) Mother In Law - The worst person I know, She worries me so, If she'd leave us alone, We'd have a happy home, Sent from down below, (Mother in Law) Mother In Law...." And all the mother-in-law jokes are along the lines of: "What do you do if you miss your mother-in-law? Reload and try again." They get no respect.

I've had three mothers-in-law. I can't say I got along great with any of them, but that is mostly because I compared them to my own Mother, who I thought was perfect. In this photo from 1965 were my in-law's, Betty and Chuck Botkin; my grandmother, (also Dad's Mother-in-Law), Delphia Ridnour; my father, Louis and mother, Ruth Lynam. We were celebrating my son Doug's third birthday.
I probably would have gotten along better with Betty if I hadn't heard things like: That's not the way my Mom did it." from her son, my husband, Kenny. Rule # 1: Don't compare your wife to your mother.
As our marriage deteriorated, so did my relationship with my in-laws. There was little if any contact after the divorce but I do remember going to see them and having a nice visit many years later. Betty showed me the quilt she was making as a wedding present for Doug, as well as many other examples of her handiwork. She loved to quilt and had made something for all her grandchildren.

My second mother-in-law was Clara Fleming, shown here with her youngest child, my husband Denny, when he received his master's degree in 1971. Once again, I didn't appreciate my mother-in-law until she was my ex-mother-in-law. One thing I did admire about her was her determination. When the doctor told her if she didn't lose weight she was going to die, she lost a lot of weight. She and I were much closer after Denny died, corresponding on a regular basis. Clara was also good at handiwork - her forte was crocheting. Kari has the bedspread her grandmother made for Denny and me. It is white with red roses. She crocheted a lot of afghans, too.

The woman who was my mother-in-law the longest was Bud's mom, Lottie Schaffer. I got along with her the best, perhaps because my marriage to her son has been the happiest. I admired Lottie's independence. When she was widowed she had to learn how to do many things on her own, including driving a car. She kept the car they had when her husband died - a 1963 Chevy - and she kept it in good condition. When everyone else was buying a newer car with air conditioning,  power windows, etc., she could be seen driving her 45-year-old Chevy around town. Lottie was my mother-in-law for 26 years, dying just after our anniversary last year.

My turn at being a mother-in-law instead of having a mother-in-law began with Doug's first marriage. That didn't go so well - either the marriage or my being a mother-in-law.
Doug and Shelly were married in October, 1988. I was determined to be a better mother-in-law; being supportive, non-judgmental, caring and available to baby sit. That wasn't hard, I loved having the grand kids around.

My youngest son, Preston, and Shalea were married in May, 1992. Those twenty years have gone fast. They are pictured here on their wedding day with Preston's grandmother Clara. This was two days before her 74th birthday. It was good to see my ex-mother-in-law looking so well that day.
A new daughter-in-law, another opportunity to practice being a mother-in-law. Again, be supportive, keep my opinions to myself and be available to baby sit. With five babies in six years, I had plenty of opportunities to babysit for them. And I loved every minute of it.

Finally, this past July, a son-in-law - a whole different kettle of fish after daughters-in-law. But Ken and I have gotten pretty well acquainted over the past ten years, so having him officially part of the family hasn't changed much. Does he tell mother-in-law jokes and stories about me? Isn't that what men do? I'd be disappointed if he didn't. I love having a son-in-law.

I don't know what my daughters-in-law say about having me for a mother-in-law. I know I feel as though I have a very good relationship with both of them. They are not quite the same as my own daughter, but I love them both. In this picture from several years ago, we were all dressed up to go to the tea room in Perry to celebrate either Mother's Day or Kari & Shelly's birthdays which are one day apart. Left to right, Shelly, Shalea, me and Kari.

I think about my own Mother and her mother-in-law, Bessie. (Shown here with her first grand child, my brother Ronald.) I always knew Mom and grandma had their differences, but Mom always treated her with respect. Mom was the one who looked after grandma, visited her faithfully in the nursing home and was with Grandma Lynam when she died.
Mom lived with her in-laws the first few months after she and Dad were married. I think how difficult that could have been. And I remember the words I found written in my mother's diary Saturday, February 26, 1938: "We moved to ourselves today." I think those five words speak volumes.