Waiting To Be Asked

I was a half hour early for an out of town appointment yesterday so I stopped next to a park to read a book. A few minutes later I heard a group of children coming down the street from the school house. It was afternoon recess for kindergarten and first and second grades. I watched as one group of boys started playing football while another group shot baskets. A few girls went directly to one corner and sat down and began talking. But the little girl who caught my eye stood alone against a building; just watching the others. Eventually another girl approached her and they went off together to play.

That little girl reminded me of me. All my life I have waited to be asked instead of doing the asking; waited to see if I was wanted to join in. Over the years I have learned to sometimes do the inviting, but I mostly still wait and watch.

I don't know if this is an inherited trait or one learned or a combination of both. On the hereditary side, I have a great niece who is very shy. Her Mom was the same. And because her Grandmother (my sis) and I were quite shy as children, that could point to an inherited trait.

On the other hand, at a very early age I learned to be afraid of other kids. Whenever we went down to Grandpa & Grandma Ridnour's, my aunt and her two little boys (close in age to us) would inevitably be there. As soon as we got out of the car, they would come running out of the house and start punching my sister and me. That could be a learned reason for hanging back.

Attending Vacation Bible School at our church provided a larger group of kids for possible friendships than our one room school, though I don't remember playing with anyone in particular. I always felt more comfortable with the adults.

High school was a little better. I did form some lasting friendships there. I have to wonder if I might have made more if I hadn't been so afraid of trying. If I didn't approach anyone, I couldn't be hurt if they didn't want to be friends.

I think there is a fine art to being a good friend and I just never learned it; even when I tried. Or maybe that shy little girl is still locked inside me.