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Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Missouri Compromise

As you remember from your school days, the Missouri Compromise had to do with the number of slave states and free states admitted to the USA. (Simply put.)
My new definition of a Missouri Compromise - when two very stubborn people can't agree and one finally gives in.
We all make compromises every day. Any time more than one person is involved, there is going to be compromise. A successful marriage is supposed to be 50-50 when in reality I think one of the partners usually gives more than the other.
My Aunt Evelyn made me so mad 24 years ago. She attended an open house for us after Bud & I were married. As she left she said to me, "You'd better make this one work," referencing my two previous marriages and divorces. My immediate thought was that one person couldn't make a marriage work; it took both people trying.
I think what she had in mind was I should be willing to be more like brides of her time and before - willing to sacrifice; always deferring to the husband. Maybe she hadn't realized we'd had women's liberation!
The easiest compromising is when one person cares more about an outcome than the other. i.e. "What do you want to watch on t.v. tonight?" "I don't care, nothing sounds too good to me." "O.K. if we watch football then?" "Sure." (Of course tivoing has helped the 'what we are going to watch?' question.)
But what if you both have strong opposite opinions about something? i.e. "I want to go skiing in Colorado on vacation." "But I want to go on a Caribbean cruise." You either compromise or take separate vacations.
There have been disagreements in our years together; times we've both had to compromise. I have to admit it is generally Bud who gives in, not in a begrudging manner but in a gracious, generous way. That probably says a lot for why this third marriage of mine is working.
I like to think his good example has rubbed off on me a little bit.

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