"It's the most wonderful time of the year..." That's what the song says. For me, it is the worst time of the year. The only thing good about the time is the winter solstice which means the days will once again become longer - more daylight.I do not know why I dislike xmas so much. Perhaps if I visit the ghosts of xmas past, I will discover the reason:
As a child I looked forward to xmas to see what Santa had left under the tree. I don't remember any specific xmas as being the most memorable. Our tree was always one we had cut out of the pasture or along the road. Stockings always held an apple an orange some nuts and a bit of candy.
Christmas dinner at Grandpa & Grandma Ridnour's were the most fun. By the time we all packed into their little house there were 24 of us - 8 adults and 16 kids. We drew names for the gift exchange plus the gift from the grandparents. One year Grandma sent away for pencils with our names printed on them. Another time we got Lifesaver Books - they looked like a book on the outside, when opened each side held five rolls of lifesaver candy. That was something I had always wanted.
I don't even remember any special christmases with my own children. Once again it seems like it was more fun when we got together at Mom & Dad's with my siblings and their families. We drew names for several years then finally settled on playing "the game". Each one brought a wrapped gift, numbers were drawn, #1 went first, chose and opened a gift. #2 could choose a gift or steal from #1 and so on. Really good gifts could be stolen up to 3 times. Some years it made for a lot of fun. Some years it made for "cheating" to get a certain gift which resulted in bad feelings for another year.
One year which was special was the one when my ex-daughter-in-law allowed my oldest grandson to come for xmas. We hadn't seen Brock for six or seven years. I didn't tell his Dad he was going to be there. The look on Doug's face was all the present I needed. It was a good day.
Maybe the reason I dislike the season has to do with unmet expectations. I was never in a position financially to give my kids a lot for xmas. That may not have hurt them, but it hurt me.
Have I hardened my heart against disappointment for so long that I can't let myself enjoy xmas?
It does not seem the ghosts of christmas past hold the answer.
I think you're right, Mom--it's the unrealistic expectations that get us. The images we get of the giant tree surrounded by packages in matched paper and ribbon; the perfectly-set holiday table, feast-laden and surrounded by a happy family. I know we didn't have much when we were little, but I only have happy/excited Christmas memories, and I'm grateful that I can still be made glad by an orange in the toe of a Christmas stocking. I'm grateful for an upbringing that made me appreciate small gifts and simple pleasures. I'm grateful that I wasn't spoiled to the point that no gift, however big and impressive, can delight me now. It might not have been your first choice, and I'm sorry you had to struggle so much, but growing up poor YET HAPPY was a gift in its own right, because it was a clear demonstration that money and happiness are two different things.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I know the zombie part of Zombie Yule doesn't appeal to you, but the spirit of the thing is so much closer to what Christmas ought to be: gathering with people you care about, eating whatever's on hand (OK--we did put up a spread, I admit), and being grateful just to be safe and alive. No presents, no pressures, just an appreciation of our blessings and a flickering hope of survival into the new year. :-)
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