Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry - that phenomenon that turns brothers and sisters against each other - even though, deep down, they really do love one another. The feelings are as old as the bible and as new as the baby brought home yesterday. No matter how hard parents try to prevent the jealousies among their children, they are still going to occur.

This picture of my sister and brothers and me was taken April 21, 1955. Leslie was 14 months old, Ronald was almost 15 years old, Betty was nine and a half and I was eleven and a half. I was never jealous of Ron or Les - well, ok, maybe when Ron got a car when he was in highschool and I didn't. I always looked up to my older brother and my younger brother was too cute and precious to be jealous of.

Oh, but my sister; that was another story. I have always claimed my very earliest memory at age two was of having to sit in the backseat of the car on the way to town because "the baby" had taken over my place in the front seat with my Mom.

As we got older, the rivalry was over our Dad. I thought Betty was his favourite because he had named her. She thought I was his favourite. (I don't know why.) I don't think the brothers were ever jealous of one another - there was too much of an age difference. I've never asked Ron if he was jealous of me when I was born. He was three and a half when I came along, so I imagine he might have been a little jealous. Betty was jealous of Leslie at first, but she got over it.

Regardless of how much sibling rivalry and jealousy occurs in youth, if we live long enough we supposedly outgrow it. I will always wonder if my sister and I would have been close now. When she died at age 28 (I was 30) we were still jealous of one another. Besides the 'survivor guilt' I felt, I had a clear memory of when we were little, crossing a street in Corning, each of us holding on to one of Mom's hands. I wished I was the only girl and had Mom to myself. The memory of that wish haunted me when she died.

I know there was and probably still is rivalry among my three. Kari probably thinks I favor the boys. They probably think I favor her. Doug might think I favor Preston because he is the youngest while Preston thinks the opposite because Doug was my first born.

Rivalries and jealousies even extend to grandchildren. Grandma Ridnour's favourite was Larry, the first born grandchild. It also seemed to me she favored Aunt Lois' kids over Aunt Evelyn's and our family (with the exception of Larry).

After Betty died, her daughter, Kristi, lived with my Mom & Dad for several months. I did not have a problem with that, but when, after a couple years, it seemed to me Kari was becoming less fond of her Grandma Ruth because of the favortism she showed toward Kristi, I talked to Mom about it.

I'm sure if my grandkids were asked, Doug's kids would say I favor Preston's children and Preston's kids probably think I favor Doug's. Nothing I do or don't do or say or don't say will change that. Now there is another generation, two great-grandsons to compete for favortism.

Sibling rivalry will never end. The only solution is to have only one child....and one grandchild....and one great-grandchild............