Har Palm (Or Good Blog Idea)

When one has decided to write a daily blog, one has to come up with topics. I noticed I often thought of ideas while walking the track at the Y but might forget them before I got home. Solution: carry a pen and paper with me. Good idea. Bad idea to only write down an abbreviated version of prospective topic as in this post title, "Har Palm".
It has been three weeks and I still have no idea of what 'har palm' stood for: Harbor Palms? Harbinger of Palm Sunday? Harold Palma? Hardy Palms? I thought it would eventually come to me, but not yet.
Slipping into dementia ranks right up there with my worst fears. Every time I want to use a certain word and can't think of it or try to remember someone's name and can't I wonder if it is a sign I am going to forget everything. This morning's headline: "Dementia Toll Climbs to 35 Million Worldwide" does not make me feel any better.
My mother was in her mid 70's when I first realized she was going to need help in order to continue living alone. At first it was forgetting things or repeating the same things over and over or calling the grandkids by the wrong name; nothing major. Then she began having trouble following recipes. She had always loved to cook and bake - to try new recipes. For her not to be able to do so was unsettling.
When we moved next door to her it became a balancing act - I wanted to be there if she needed me, but I also did not want her to depend on me if she could still do things for herself. It was so hard to watch her decline to the point of sometimes not knowing who I was. It has been six years since she went into her final stage. It is still painful for me to remember.
In ten years I will be in my mid 70's. So often I say about myself, "Just like my Mom." Will I be just like her in ten years? Working a daily crossword is supposed to help keep the mind agile. Writing every day helps, I think. I try not to dwell on my fear of dementia. Who knows, I might not even make it ten more years. I think I would prefer that to not knowing my own kids.
In reality, all any of us has is now; one day at a time.
Har Palm? Harmony Palmyra? Hardly Palmolive? Harvest Palm Oil? Harriet Palmer?